D.M. Man Overwhelmed By Gartner's Offer of Free Water at No-Name Ballpark [Sorry About That, Sec]

"A story about the weather in the Register today said that if it gets too hot at the state high school baseball tournament, the Iowa Cubs' concession stands will be offering free water," Bud Appleby of Des Moines tells me in an e-mail.

"Apparently there is no limit to Mike Gartner's generosity."

I assume those $5.75 beers that are sold at No-Name Local Ballpark [Sorry About That, Sec] won't be available during the high school tournament. The kids will have to bring in their own coolers of Bud Light. Then, again, who knows. Anything to make a buck or six. That's the motto at No-Name Local Ballpark [Sorry Again, Sec].

Whatever, I figure the $5.75 beers will cost $6.75 at the local ballclub's next home homestand to cover the expense of the free water at the high school tournament.

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Speaking of baseball and the local paper, it says on the front page of today's sports section that Jeff Suppan, with a 9-7 record and a 4.22 earned-run average, will pitch against Jeff Suppan, with a 9-7 record and 4.22 earned-run average, in Sunday night's Chicago-St. Louis series.

I guess that's another example of a guy playing with himself, which is what a lot of people think baseball players do anyway.

To straighten out what the local paper was trying to say, Jeff Suppan of the Cardinals will pitch against Mark Prior of the Cubs in Sunday's 7 p.m. game, which will be televised by ESPN. Prior's record is 7-3 and his earned-run average is 3.15.

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Frankly, I can fully understand the latest screw-up in the local paper. The bosses were spending all their time making sure there was another story about the Des Moines Menace in the paper.

I can't get enough news about the Menace.

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From e-mailer John Cavanaugh:

"Ron, the Register quoted Jackie Sherrill, the head coach of Texas A&M, today. Not much football research there!"

Sherrill is the FORMER head coach at Texas A&M, as well as a FORMER assistant at Iowa State. I'm pretty sure reporter Randy Peterson knows that, and it's how he intended to make it look in the paper. Cavanaugh might have missed the word "former."